"The Day Of False Affection" - Martin Warren
A few of you who read this will know that i am no romantic. Romance for me is still with The FA Cup and hoping that those bastards do something when wearing the Three Lions. And also not kicking a bird out of the house as soon as daylight appears through the curtains. Nothing wrong with that as a bloke needs a clean bed with fresh sheets after a night of untold filth. They get home earlier so whats the problem? Valentines day though brings along thoughts of romance and other shite. Who else is sick of all this gooey crap and insipid cards and cupid rubbish. Like christmas i have a similar hatred for yet another greed filled day of misery. Why say it with flowers or cards when you could say it every day of the year. It wouldn't cost a fucking penny. It's not about love but yet more of peoples hard earned cash. What's valentines day really about? Money. Money in the pocket of greeting card, flower, and chocolate companies
Let's get down to it shall we. Valentines day is yet more shit. You know it, i know it. To all you pillocks who happen to be in "love" with some "great person" who just "thrills" you, i just want to say fuck off, emphasis on the "OFF." I don't care how happy and in "love" you are. I don't care how you're walking on air every time your significant other's voice comes over the phone. I like not having a significant other, loneliness is most certainly not an issue as i have a great mates, the pub, a passport, a massive tv and SkyHD. You have all been duped by the greed. I'm not in a relationship i certainly don't want to be reminded that i'm not. So all you people out there that are hopelessly in the throes of "love" and "happines" please do me a favour this year and fucking knock it off. The rest of us don't want to hear it or see it. Go be happy and content and stare dreamily into each others' eyes murmuring sweet nothings somewhere fucking else or you risk being vomited or at least told to fuck away.
From what i can recall of this shite it the past, i have given out 3 cards in 30 years. Now even that is far too much. One was at Junior School that i made in the 80's, Another was given to some bird i met after a night out in town and one was sent to some Kiwi bird that i met whilst pissed up in Berlin around 10 years back. Think all 3 are married these days. Romantic bollocks. I feel sorry for the mates sometimes. I'm actually lucky really as every mate of mine has a decent bird so i don't have to act like i get on with them when they are around. But then what if one of the lads missed this day of toss. They would get it in the neck for fucking weeks. And for what. Failing to buy a bunch of flowers or some tacky little card that says i love you. Get a grip women. They've grafted since they met you, paid towards a wedding and kids, sacrificed going to the football and regular meetings with the lads so they can live with you. You should be grateful for the wedding and what not and forget about all this shite.
Until Next Time, Iddon
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